I just want to write!

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Naturally, when one doesn’t have time to write, all one thinks about is writing. I just want to write.

Work two jobs is killer, especially when you’re low on funds so you know you need to work lots (yay parental leave. Definitely not financially relaxing). So when I am taking a few minutes, either showering or lying down to go to sleep, I want to write. I want to read. I want to be creative.

But I simply don’t have the time.

Given that I have given myself a pass on being productive outside of work from now until end of January–when the double work should end–I’m not fighting with some idealistic image that says I should be writing. That would be so devastating. One thing I’ve learned in setting goals here on Anxiety Ink is that when there are a lot of goals with diverse time needs set, you need to examine the time needs and what can realistically get done.

Working two jobs and writing? It can’t really be done without a significant sacrifice to my family, to sleep, to hygiene, to the basic things I need to be functional enough TO work two jobs.

My wife has been incredible and taking on a lot of home things, understanding because there is an end in sight. And the money won’t hurt right now from working two jobs at once.

But I still have this itch, where I want to write. I have an image in my head of writing that is way less time intensive than my usual writing, where I can plunk out a draft of a novel in hours. I WISH. My fingers are slow and sloppy when it comes to typing, and my brain can’t decide on one structure long enough to get the framework out. But I know that when February comes, I will be opening a document and putting at least an hour a day into writing because now I’ll understand what I can do with my time.

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