When I look back on my writing career, I have not been very forgiving. If I take too long to draft, if I get distracted, if life interferes, I am mad at myself. This is what I want–I couldn’t imagine my life without my stories. So I should be writing!
Becoming a mom changes things. So I wanted to write about writing and forgiveness.
When you’re a new mom, you don’t have time anymore
Seriously, no time. I remember in the early weeks of Ryan’s life, we would have maybe five minutes between feedings. And I was left looking at my list of things I wanted to do in this luxurious timeframe:
- Go to the washroom
- Eat something to give me an energy boost for the next 1:55.
- Nap (seriously.)
- Cook something healthy
- Shower? Then I can dry my hair next break?
- All the things I need to feel human…..
And this was 24 hours. You might get 5 minute breaks. You might get 15 minutes. And you never knew when those breaks would just end up being exhausted crying because you needed to release those emotions somehow.
You have no capacity to dwell on regrets
Seriously. You hit a point where you realize that those coulda-shoulda-woulda’s are ridiculous. You don’t even have time for those. Make your choices in the moment. Do the best you can with what your physical strength, mental state, and emotional capacity can handle.
And if you can’t make it to what you wanted to do? FORGIVE YOURSELF.
Stop looking back and feeling like a failure. Look ahead and take small steps to get you where you need to go. They will add up.
You won’t get it all done at once. But you will get there if you keep moving. Writing and forgiveness go hand-in-hand. So lift your chin and keep moving, forgiving yourself when life intervenes or emotions and frustrations build up.
Because, honestly, what other choice do you have but to forgive yourself?